Page 246: The Gospel of Spurious Jesus

Back in April 2012, I actually had a dream in which someone came up with Spurious Jesus as a way to dismiss Gospel teachings that they disagreed with. “Spurious” in masonic lingo refers to fraternal groups that conduct the rituals of Freemasonry without proper authority: it may look like a duck and quack like a duck, but that doesn’t mean it is a duck. Therefore, anyone initiated as a duck can be dismissed as a non-duck if they were not made, passed, or raised as a duck in a duly recognized pond. “Spurious” can be thought of as a synonym for “counterfeit.” I had been doing a lot of research into obscure fraternal groups for my book Forgotten Templars (2012); somehow my subconscious melded these idea with Christianity and viola! A weird mash-up perfect for The Billionth Monkey was born.

Nicholas demonstrates his imperfect grasp of the Bible in his garbled references to the marriage at Cana, the parable of the sheep and the goats, and the anointing of Jesus (tragically confused with Andrew Lloyd Weber and Tim Rice’s version in Jesus Christ Superstar, 1970).

The cover for the London cast recording of Jesus Christ Superstar (1970).

When it comes to the scary bits in the book of Revelation, commentators and pop culture pay a lot of attention to the Great Beast and the whore of Babylon. Less is given to ὁ ψευδοπροφήτης, or the False Prophet, mentioned in chapters 16, 19, and 20. As an agent of the Great Beast, this character has supernatural powers and is called the Beast of the Earth. The job of the False Prophet is to infiltrate the Church and deceive the faithful. Not much of a description is offered, other than having two horns like a lamb and a voice like a dragon (see chapter 13). It is the False Prophet who causes people to receive the Mark of the Beast.

Finally, The 666 Club is intended as a low-budget rip-off of The 700 Club, the long-running daily news magazine of the Christian Broadcasting Network. The 666 Club is only 95.14% as good as The 700 Club.